The Fairy Tales We Tell Ourselves, the Truths We Hide
4 Signs of Self-Sabotage That Delay Your Spiritual Growth & 5 Practices to Try Instead
Ever walk away from an interaction with someone you care about (lover, best friend, sibling, parent, etc.) confused/upset/pissed off and wonder if you’re the problem or the other person? The fact that you have to question what really happened at all is proof that you are indeed self-aware, but you may also need to do some work on your self.
Some people walk away from that same interaction and overthink it, or worse, think that it’s totally okay to project onto others their deep-seated issues from a completely different experience. Then there is the empathic, healed person who walks away from that same scenario, realizes that other people’s emotional junk doesn’t belong to them, and walks away without judgment of the other person.
We sabotage our own growth when we don’t examine the truths we have to face about our role and that of other people we interact with. Here are 4 signs that you are self-sabotaging and 5 practices to try instead.
Self-Sabotage #1: People Pleasing
Do you find yourself saying anything to end an uncomfortable interaction with someone so that you can go back to your happy place or avoid conflict all together? Or do you find yourself putting on a mask or contorting your true self to fit in, going along to get along, or allowing others to lead you even though you know the path isn’t right for you? You may be a people pleaser.
Self-Sabotage #2: Refusing to Seek Therapy
Sometimes we have experiences that create emotional blocks that we simply cannot move past, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Receiving advice from family or friends, retail therapy, and ignoring issues and trauma from your childhood, romantic relationships, or bullying, has its limits. When you refuse such support, you sabotage the opportunity to heal from your past. Seeking third party support in the form of therapy is necessary for personal growth.
Self-Sabotage #3: Victim Mentality
Taking people’s words and actions personally and not at face value is a recipe for developing a victim mentality mindset. This is perhaps the worst form of self-sabotage because it’s so easy to feel like the world is against you rather than accept accountability, examine how you either allow people to victimize you or know your power and remove yourself from the situation.
Self-Sabotage #4: Spiritual Bypassing
People often use their spirituality to avoid dealing with truths about themselves, whether it’s their past, their current situation, or their own toxic behaviors. It’s like a “love and light” shield they hold up to stave off dealing with uncomfortable truths that they’re not dealing with.
Do This Instead
Set personal and professional boundaries
Setting boundaries is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Setting boundaries signals to others how to treat you. Boundaries look like communicating a strict schedule, for example a workout time or a hard cutoff time at work to give you time to pick up your child from daycare. Boundaries also look like letting people know that a particular group, event or environment is not for you and declining the invitation. There are many ways you can set boundaries, but the best way to tell when you need to set one is when you find yourself about to do something you don’t want to do or accepting behavior you find disrespectful. Whatever the reason you need to set boundaries, you need to communicate them and see who respects them.
Work with a therapist
When you work with a therapist (or psychiatrist, depending on your trauma) who has no emotional attachment to your issues, you get to take your problems to them and leave them on the table. You also learn tools to deal with the issues in the future. Note: If you cannot afford therapy, there are a few online options, such as BetterHelp.
Don’t take things personally
This one is easier said than done. Sometimes people trigger us and despite all of the emotional and spiritual growth and healing we’ve put into ourselves, we have a setback. It takes practice and opportunity to train our brains to truly discern when someone’s trying to gaslight us, emotionally dump, or identify our own emotional triggers.
Emotionally detach yourself from expectation
When we expect other people to fulfill us or that they even owe us, we set ourselves up for disappointment. If we don’t expect anything in return in the relationships or connections that we develop, we free ourselves from believing that our happiness is dependent on external actions or people. We only control ourselves, so prepare yourself accordingly to fulfill your own needs and for doing things in your own way if you don’t receive help.
Don’t let anxiety lead you
If you’re the anxious type and the thought of examining what you were thinking and what the other person is thinking about you after the fact, you’re already doing too much. Examine your own feelings and emotions and notice what belongs to you and what does not. Find the best way to manage your anxiety as best you can. Whether you look into therapy or spirituality to support you on your spiritual journey, anxiety can derail your spiritual growth.
No matter where you fall in this scenario above, you may be making up a narrative in your head to avoid the issue at hand. Each scenario is a reflection of where you are in your spiritual growth. Place no judgment on yourself on where you are on your spiritual journey. Be an observer in your own life so that you can make edits and corrections every day to receive the balance you’ll need to evolve as a human being.
Evangeline Koru is a psychic medium, life coach and spiritual advisor. Follow her on Instagram (@evangelinekoru) or visit her website at https://evangelinetheoracle.com/
